L Word recap: Season 5, episode 3

“The Lady in the Lake”

The episode starts with the fantasy Charlie’s Angels sequence written by contest winner Molly Fisher, where the main characters use gaydar guns on each other.

In real life, Shane swears off sex after all the drama at the wedding. At the gym she’s distracted by all the hard bodies, though, leaving us to wonder how long her sex-free “cleanse” will last.

Tina tries looking through OurChart to find dates and ends up with a hot, blonde doctor (seriously, the woman could part of the staff at Seattle Grace). Dr. Lady also happens to be an art collector and Tina is turned on by her collection — and her magnificent implants. Sex on the first date? Yes, please.

Jodi persuades Bette to go away for a weekend when she should be working. They arrive late at night at a rustic cabin where Jodi swears her friends are fast asleep. First thing in the morning, though, her buddies tease J&B for their loud lovemaking the night before. Bette is mortified. The visit goes downhill from there, with Bette wanting to work the whole time while everyone else drinks, plays ball and generally relaxes. Eventually one of Jodi’s friends can’t handle Bette’s uptightness any more and he throws her in the lake.

Tasha and Alice confront the reality of the charges against Tasha, who goes back to Beech and asks him to represent her. He explains the evidence against her, which doesn’t sound like a huge deal to me: she was seen out socializing with some known lesbians, she had a quarrel with Alice in public, and she supported a female co-worker over a male for a promotion.

There’s some effort to give Max screen time, and he keeps trying to get people to watch his podcast. Jodi’s translator seems to be falling for him. I find it odd that the writers would introduce a possible gay male pairing, since Max liked women before he started transitioning. I guess his character is bi now? (For a critique of the Max storyline from the perspective of a real transgendered person, go here. Interesting stuff.)

Toward the end of the episode, Kit gets robbed at gunpoint. Bette comes rushing home to console her, but it feels more like a plot device to get Bette away from the party at the lake than it does a true character moment for Kit.

We’re spared the drama of Joyce and Phyllis and the final throes of their relationship as they have no screen time this week. Jenny doesn’t get much either, aside from a few moments at the gym where her assistant continues to act like a Jenny-serving robot.

Helena’s mom shows up in jail and tries to bail her out. She and Helena spar a bit, but mummy has her way. At a celebration at The Planet, she reveals that she’s taking Helena to Europe, which is where the Peabodys always go when they need to rehab their reputations.

Helena joins Shane outside for a smoke and reveals that she’s not going with mum. She stashed the money she stole last season and plans to get it, then break her cellmate/soulmate Dusty out of jail so they can go off into the sunset and have a grand old time. As the episode ends, it’s unclear whether we’ll see Helena again.